Ok, so I'm coming to the realization that I have a son just like me! Great. He's only five months and likes to do everything his "ownself." Like, putting peaches in his eyes because he can't figure out smoothly getting the full spoon to his mouth. This also is rough when he has peaches all over his hands and then grabs the white wood blinds because they're within reach, grabbing my face and my hair, rubbing his peach covered face on my nice clean shirt and then ending it all with a screaming fit rubbing his eyes because he's tired. Maybe feeding the baby peaches at night isn't the best idea.
So, I've gone 2 full days now without nursing. He refuses me. My desperate attempts to pacify him with a few drops of mother's milk has completely been rejected for 2 days and I am sad. I can't make him nurse. I can't make him open his mouth for some peaches. I can't sanitize everything he wants to put in his mouth. I'm gonna have to let go a little bit. If I don't, it looks like he's going to make me. Wow. If I had only known how much my mom loved me when I broke her heart time and time again. Mom's are incredible. At least I'm coming to realize this while she's still alive and healthy. I have to realize Zack's on loan to me by God and it's our responsibility to raise him to be a man after God's own heart. Wow.
I really need to get back to church.
Anyway. Other than that, my house is up for sale and I have no place to go. Well, I could live with my parents, but I'm not that desperate yet. We'll see in this market how quickly my house sells. For now, I'm just taking a leap of faith both in the sale of my house and the upbringing of my son. I need to learn to lean more on God's understanding than my own. Things never work out right when they're in my hands. It's a good things I'm not God.
